After tailing actress Tamara Braun for months, our private investigator has returned with a report concluding something of which we were already certain: Tamara Braun is naughty. In an exclusive report, we will recount the shocking evidence of Ms. Braun’s indiscretions in graphic detail. We advise all parents to remove young children from the room before reading this piece, as the facts stated within are likely to cause shock and horror.
1. “Tamara” is a name of Indian origin, meaning “spice”. We have no doubt!
2. Tamara’s officially reported age is 38. We have reason to believe that she is actually 68, and sleeps nightly in a hyperbaric chamber once owned by Michael Jackson.
3. Her most recent character’s name, Reese Williams, is an anagram for “Email Wireless”. A secret message regarding her torrid MySpace liaisons? You decide!
4. She gave General Hospital her sincere thanks by leaving the program almost immediately after being nominated for an Emmy.
5. Her lovely blonde locks? Bleach and hair extensions!
6. Her supposed boyfriend, Michael Bergan, doesn’t exist. Tamara’s actual “boyfriend” is every one of her MySpace friends, male or female!
7. She majored in psychology while studying at the University of Wisconsin. “I’m a psychology major” is the universally accepted collegiate code for “I am solely attending college to experiment with sex”.
8. With Eden Riegel of All My Children, Tamara formed one half of the first same-sex marriage in soap opera history.
9. After being replaced by Tamara, Sarah Brown has yet to win another Emmy, while Tamara’s string of awards has been unending. Has Tamara ruined her career? Or…
10. Have you ever seen Tamara Braun and Sarah Brown in the same place? We believe that they are in fact the same person, surgically altered! Whose career will be stolen next?
Tags: naughty Tamara Braun, Reese Williams, Tamara Braun, Tamara Braun Naughty